And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in”
Has something ever happened in your life that has truly shaken your core? Maybe it’s a few things, maybe you think of one thing specifically right away, or maybe like me it seems to be happening on the daily these days. No matter what your definition of shaken is let’s just call it what it is… defining moments.
I sit here in my bed propped up with my laptop for the umpteenth time trying to put what is in my head into a blog format (proper spacing and fancy pictures of course). This time is a little bit different in that this will mark the 1 year anniversary post of Integrity In Heels.
If I had any idea last year when I launched Integrity in Heels how much in my life was about to change I probably wouldn’t even believed it.
Rather than write an article about all the wonderful milestones we have hit in the last year, or even the one’s we hope to achieve as we continue to move forward, I feel like I would be doing entrepreneurs like you and I a disservice if I didn’t post the “realness” of what it is like to live in the “heels” of a mind that doesn’t stop.
Knowing exactly what you want is a blessing and a curse at the same time.
It catapults you into a land of motivation that if you have never experienced before you won’t know what I mean, but it can also overtake you.
I’ve had a few of these “moments of clarity” in the last year of my life. Ok, let me rephrase that… the clarity is the moment you realize that you want something and are motivated to get it, the mud that comes with it is the process in which you have to work through to make it happen. Things not happening over night are my biggest weakness and struggle.
No one Died, We’re Good, let’s move on.
One of the Beast’s of Business is the fact that we are all human and we all make mistakes. Whether it is an error in judgement, poor time management, or if you are like me you have a trifecta going on that if it’s not dealt with can feel a bit out of control.
I wish I could insert right here the 5 steps to dealing with error in judgement, poor time management, etc... but the reality of it is I am still looking and probably will be looking for those tips for a long time. However, if I have learned anything it’s that you can’t expect other people to show you grace.
You just have to simply allow it for yourself.
It’s not easy and things sometimes aren’t pretty but… as my colleague Mike says above… if no one died then we’re good, let’s move on. Because business takes no prisoners, you either are going to make it or your not. Do your best and push through.
Knowing when to Weather and When to Head Ashore
Ever made a decision that changed the trajectory of your course? Well, sure you have. If you haven’t may I encourage you to put down the cell phone or laptop and go make one.
Bad or good these decisions catapult us into having to either take our licks or celebrate in our success.
If I explained the amount of ways in which I have epically failed we would be here forever and you might actually end up closing out of my blog post thinking “good Lord how is this chick allowed to have children, a homestead, or a business?”. The answer to that question is most of my battles are worth the fight.
It is the hardest thing to mess up and lose yourself in the mess up. Whether its a ball dropped, a phone call forgotten to be returned, or a relationship burned. Whatever your Storm is… if it’s worth weathering then you just need to find a way to allow yourself the grace and power through it.
Some things I am learning along the way is to not dwell on the fact that you just about drowned but to focus on the fact that you didn’t. What can you change so that way the next time you are about to drown you can survive faster?
You notice how I say when you do it again? Yeah… that is because you are going to. No matter what you are human. Allow that weakness to just roll over you, we all have it.
So what about the times where you make peace with the failure? The “didn’t work outs” or the “it wasn’t a good fits”. I have learned in so many ways that it is imperative that you walk away with absolute certainty and little doubt. By dwelling on the things you can not change and letting the disappointment overcome you, you are single handedly your own worst enemy.
DO NOT FIGHT THE PERSON IN THE MIRROR
I have done it. I have thought it was a good idea to take on too much, to over promise and over commit, but most importantly I have damaged relationships that were of value to me because I didn’t have the brains in the moment to say “you mean something to me and I want to make sure I am not over committing myself“.
Don’t do this.
Know your worth and know that ultimately others will either respect you for knowing your own worth, or they will move on because they don’t understand the struggle. Either way, make the decision to chose to walk away if you are not 100% sure it is worth the fight.
Once you have made that decision, don’t doubt yourself and be patient with yourself (here is where I need to take a page out of my own book).
Find your Crew… and let them help you paddle
Everyone, look what I just did there? Look at me using sailing references in a blog surrounded by weather metaphors! *Woot Woot*
If you don’t have a Crew then you have nothing.
Done and Done.
Whether you have a crew of 1 or a crew of 5 fabulous team mates… cling to this crew.
Over the last year (ok confession time) I have completely blown friendships. There it’s out there… in the open… naked for all to see.Whether I have not dedicated the appropriate time, nurturing, or even thought that they deserved I have made the choice to push these aside. Most of the time this choice wasn’t even one I was aware I was doing.
For the ones that have stuck by me when I am at my worst… these are my Crew (we are kind of like a small gang really ) We brainstorm, talk shop, and are incredibly real with each other. It’s not always pretty… but it’s raw. I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything.
I have a tremendous amount of pride when it comes to feeling like I can handle anything but am now in my life seeing that by being open and honest about your pain points… it can open doors to allowing yourself the grace you need (refer back to making sure you allow yourself grace).
I ain’t always pretty, and sometimes the words I need the most are ugly. However, they will weather any storm with me and that is what I implore you to find. Not just in your personal but find your business crew. They won’t always be obvious… but they are out there stop looking and let them find you.
No one will Ever be Able to Save you except YOU
Regardless of how your Crew stacks up you need to make sure you are keeping one thing in mind as an entrepreneur.
If you think some business fairy is going to swoop in and save you… you are wrong. There is no business fairy and no one can save you except you.
Sure you can have motivational talks, meetings where you “get your ish together” but ultimately you are the only one who can make the decision to wake the hell up and go. In the last year of my life I have so many times had a day where I couldn’t even wrap my head around how I was going to not work until 12:01 am (for my insurance folks they appreciate this 12:01 am reference) on returning service calls, binding new policies, and God forbid I had to put together a new blog to release that week. The secret to not getting your stuff done *wait for it* is to focus on the stress of all the crap you need to do and stop focusing on the checklist of what you can do. That is your ultimate downfall.
You are the end all be all of your own sanity.
You will make it to tomorrow, and you will push through. You have to know you are unstoppable and that no one can determine your defining moments. I am the queen of stress. It literally eats my alive and I lose sleep over it.
When the emotional stress meets the business stress it becomes what I like to refer to as “ain’t nobody got time for that“. The separation must be there I am learning. I may not have anything else figured out but the one thing I do have figured out is if your heart is in something you should go full force, because the end game is always the same.
Life is too short, you will never have enough time, and don’t live in “what if” land. It is excruciating. So save yourself. Unless you find that business fairy… then send her my way because I have a lot of work for her to do.
Learn how to be a Captain and not THE CAPTAIN
I have this thing I like to say in my world that is
You can’t help someone want to be successful
The amount of truth in this is probably the “grand slam” of this article. I came into the entrepreneur world a baby thinker. I had great ideas but was terrified to share them with anyone. Always nervous I would be shut down, pushed aside, or even worse… someone would tell me they didn’t like it.
But what happens when your ideas are actually pretty brilliant? What happens when you become someone who has a “name” in your industry, or even becomes an “authority in their space“, or people actually start listening to what you have to say with purpose.
This…. is what broke me.
I have always been confident. Maybe even to a fault. I have no fear when I do anything. So let me save you from doing the exact thing that made me question my ability to continue in my business.
You have to stop trying to fix everyone else’s inability to be motivated
Once you stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and you stop trying to Captain everyone else’s vessel you can then focus on your own. Let me 100% clear… you will never succeed at trying to be everyone’s Captain.
Learn from my mistakes. I’ve done it. Be your own and you will be successful not just in business but I might have even just saved you a month or two of stress and several bottles of wine drank in haste instead of in enjoyment.
I have ruined myself at times in trying to be a lighthouse for someone else who needed a little push and completely lost track of that I was actually losing myself. Don’t do this. I have come back from it, but it takes a long time to sort through what you need and how to come back.
As an entrepreneur our brains don’t stop. I never will stop thinking about the next step, trying to wrangle my bestie into yet again having a business “what if” convo with me, and more than likely I
won’t even stop taking on too much. However as I have mentioned many times in the past I own my crazy. This blog, Integrity in Heels, has allowed me a space to marry the world of being an entrepreneur with being a Mom. I will never be as thankful for this outlet as I am today celebrating having a year of “my crazy” documented for everyone to see. Not having it all together is not something an entrepreneur should be afraid of, I am learning, but by adjusting your sails when you almost didn’t make it… that is what will set you apart.
Thanks for allowing me into your news feeds, laptops, and mobile devices and Cheers to another year of Crazy.